Sunday, June 14, 2015

Four Degrees of Loving -- Bernard of Clairvaux

                                                           Proper 6 2015 (Year B)
                       1 Samuel 15:34-16:13;Psalm 20; 2 Corinthians 5:6-17; Mark 4:16-34
Father Adam Trambley
June 14, 2015 St.John’s Sharon

This morning’s reading from Second Corinthians has the following line: “For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.”  Paul is in the midst of writing about life above and beyond the mortal life we have now, and he is throwing all sorts of metaphors together with the good news of what Christ has done in dying and rising from the dead.  One of the points that comes out in this very rich passage is a sense that he is mostly living in some sort of glorious, ecstatic spiritual place filled with love, joy and the nearer presence of God, but that he remains tethered to regular life by his great love for other people and his desire to help them however he can.  Paul says in Philippians “my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better; but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you.”  Paul is already focused on entering the eternal life that he is just skirting the edges of as he completes his earthly ministry.  Sometimes he must seem odd, maybe crazy, “beside himself”, as he says, as he fasts and prays and sings and speaks in tongues and maybe even dances around like King David did to the glory and praise of God.  But then for the sake of the new Christians he has brought to Jesus, he decides to focus on the pragmatic aspects of writing encouraging letters and making travel arrangements and sewing tents together and any number of other day-to-day concerns belonging to a first century church planter.

I want to unpack Paul’s sense of his desires by looking at four degrees of love developed by the eleventh-century monk and theologian Bernard of Clairvaux.  Paul’s words can be a discussion on the third to the fourth degree, but all four are helpful for us to think about.  The four degrees are:

  • 1.      Loving oneself for self’s sake
  • 2.      Loving God for self’s sake
  • 3.      Love God for God’s sake
  • 4.      Loving self for God’s sake


The first degree of love is Loving oneself for self’s sake.  This basic form of love might seem self-evident and maybe even a little bit un-Christian.  Many parents and Sunday school teachers have probably told us not to be selfish, and we really shouldn’t be.  But we do have to love ourselves and value ourselves for the sake of ourselves, in what could be considered a selfish way, or we will have a hard time growing into the love of God and others. 

So what exactly does loving oneself for self’s sake mean?  This first stage of love means that we do what is in our own self-interest because it is good for us.  We take care of ourselves because we value our own well-being.  We brush our teeth, we eat our veggies, we limit our recreational use of crystal meth.  We make choices about desserts and exercise to stay as healthy and pain free as possible.  We learn skills and save money and do the kinds of things that allow us to have a better life.  As Bernard writes, “This is the curb of temperance imposed on you by the law of life and conscience, to stop you following your own desires to destruction or becoming enslaved by passions which are the enemies of your true welfare.”[1] 

Not everyone has been able to get to even this first degree of love.  Too many people don’t love themselves.  They have never received adequate love from parents or others to believe they are really loved and lovable.  They get involved in any number of self-destructive behaviors because of a huge deficit of love in their lives.  One of the basic works of evangelism is to find people who cannot currently love themselves and are stuck in enormous amounts of pain and to share the good news of God’s unconditional love with them.  This sharing takes place in word, so that they understand, in deed, so that they feel God’s love through us, and in prayer, so that God will allow them to feel his love directly.  Just to get to this first degree of love, we need to know that God loves us so that we are able to value our own self and our own needs.  

The second degree of love is that we love God for self’s sake.  In this stage we value God because of what he has done and will do for us.  As Bernard says, “It is good for us to know how little we can do by ourselves, and how much we can do with God’s help, and therefore to live rightly before God, our trusty support.”[2]  If we want what is truly good for us, we can discover pretty quickly that we can live much better lives if we are in a relationship with God.  All Christians start their prayer lives here, and many also stop here.  When we need something, we ask God for it.  We are obedient to God and what he asks of us because we find things work out better for us when we do so.  At this degree of love we are like the little kid who cleans his room so that mom will give him dessert.  We tithe because we see how God blesses us when we do or we come to church because it really does help us get through the week feeling better.  When we need God, we turn to him and he answers. 

Now I am not saying that this kind of relationship with God is bad.  When we love God for self’s sake, our heavenly Father is pleased to be asked for help and to shower his blessing on us.  We hope, however, that once we develop this kind of relationship with God, that our relationship moves deeper.  As Bernard says, “realizing how good he is, we find ourselves drawn to love him unselfishly, even more powerfully than we are drawn by our needs to love him selfishly.”[3]   

This third degree to love God for God’s sake has to do with deepening our intimacy with God beyond any ways that he helps us.  We want to be with God and spend time in prayer and adoration with God the way lovers want to lose themselves gazing into each other’s eyes.  This degree of love is when we join our voices with Angels and Archangels and with all the company of heaven as they proclaim the glory of the Lord before his heavenly throne.  This degree of love is the desire to sit before an icon or a candle and repeat the name of Jesus until the room feels infused with the presence of the Holy Spirit.  This degree of love is the confidence Saint Paul had that nothing was better than to be as close to God as possible because God is so good, so holy, so beautiful, so majestic, so glorious, so altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful that to be home in the presence of God is more to be desired than anything else.  People loving God with their whole heart and soul and mind and strength tend to seem beside themselves and a bit disconnected from day-to-day life because they really are focused somewhere else. 

Of course, not many people can stay here for very long.  Sooner or later, most of us move from “Holy, Holy, Holy” to “How about a hand with this Lord God Almighty?”  Such petition is to be expected as we learn how to develop a deeper relationship with God, and, as always, God is patient with us.

Even beyond this degree of love, however, Paul talks about Bernard’s fourth degree of love, loving self for God’s sake.  Here we give our whole selves to God.  Bernard doesn’t think such love is possible until we have achieved our immortal bodies on the other side of the resurrection, but Saint Paul certainly comes close.  He talks about no longer regarding people from a human point of view, but seeing everyone, including himself, as a new creation. 

More than that, however, Paul has entirely given himself over to be used by God for God’s purposes.  He loves himself because of the ways God can use him, even being willing to deal with all the parts of his ministry that force him to be in his “right mind” for the details of daily living instead of in the rapture of prayerful union with God.  He hasn’t stopped loving himself, but he no longer loves himself merely for self’s sake, but he loves himself even more deeply as a vessel for the work that God has given him to do.  Paul follows Jesus, who left the glories of being with his Father in heaven to live and die among us.  The greatest saints are those who have had the surpassing privilege of raptures of delight in the worship and praise of God, but who then do the often dull, practical work of loving their neighbors joyfully and even sacrificially.  This degree of loving is when we die to self, take up our cross, and follow Jesus, not because we think so little of ourselves that we are willing to throw our lives away, but because we think so much of ourselves that we can imagine no higher purpose for ourselves than to lose our life for Jesus’s sake.  As Paul says, “whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please [our Lord].”

So let us grow deeply in the love of ourselves and of our God, moving from one degree of love to another.  Let us share the depth and riches of God’s love with those who do not know it, and let us immerse ourselves in the love of God through prayer, reading of scriptures, and meeting together to encourage one another.



[1] https://www.christianhistoryinstitute.org/study/module/bernard/
[2] https://www.christianhistoryinstitute.org/study/module/bernard/
[3] https://www.christianhistoryinstitute.org/study/module/bernard/

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